Boston Shenanigans

I have a good story to tell from my weekend in Boston for our friends' Jay and Sadhna's wedding. The story has the potential to get me in trouble, but for some reason, I really don't think I care. First and foremost, apologies to my friend Sachin – he will not be amused that I've decided to tell this story, and the possibility remains I very well may be uninvited to Puja and Sachin's wedding, but for the sake of my audience's amusement, it's a risk I am willing to take.

So rewinding to the weekend of May 5-7th, 2006. Everyone must keep in mind that Jay and Sadhna's parents don't realize that both their children are raging alcoholics (one member of the couple has a tendency to urinate into people's luggage as if its a toilet, but I digress), and since both sets of parents don't drink, the wedding was dry. Of course, such an obstacle would not dissuade myself and our bunch of merry men (and women), so matters needed to be taken into our own hands. Realizing that we would be required to hit zero-to-sixty miles-per-hour almost immediately upon arrival (arrive at the hotel at 6pm, festivities begin at 7pm), I decided to give myself ample time to properly ramp up for the weekend's activities. Also, it didn't hurt that I was upgraded to first class on my flight and was able to drink about 6 glasses of wine in 2 hours on American Airlines' tab (side-quote from the stewardess: "Sir, you don't intend on driving do you? I'm required to ask by law since you've had a lot to drink"... and you know this man).

In any case, Saturday is where the fun begins. We all wake up at a decent hour, grab some lunch, and realize we need to start getting ready, as the wedding will begin at 3pm. Upon meeting everyone outside for the wedding procession to begin, my friends Charan, Naveen and Samir decide that we will require some refreshments to celebrate the blissful event, which immediately leads us Character's Bar and Grill, the restaurant attached directly to the hotel. We covertly enter the establishment to ensure that no aunties or uncles see us, and proceed to order a round of SoCo Limes, which go down easily. Another round of Sambuca, another round of SoCo Lime, and a pint of beer for all follow in short order. Finally, we decide we should head back to the wedding. The bill comes, and we come up with a hilarious idea: let's charge all the drinks to Sachin's room. Now, this is not a brilliant idea because we don't have to pay (on the contrary, we already decided we would split the costs later), but for everyone that knows Sachin, such a "joke" is grounds for a homicidal rage of epic proportions, which is obviously VERY funny to the rest of us. We dip back to the wedding, where the official ceremony has begun, but decide our buzzes could use some reinforcement. We head back to our favorite bartender, and proceed to repeat the drink order listed above. We again decide we should charge the drinks to Sachin's room, along with a few appetizers and anything else the bar is willing to sell us on credit.

Being the appreciative lads that we are, we decide to thank Sachin for his generosity in person. Once we return to the wedding and see Mr. Gupta, we offer our gratitude with a simple "Thanks, Sachin, thanks!", followed by a warm handshake. Clearly, our befuddled little Bachin has no idea what we're doing nor what we are thanking him for, but decides that our joke is funny and proceeds to approach random people with the same three-word thank you; clearly, the three of us find this even funnier than the original joke, and watch him running around thanking half of the wedding party. We continue to dip in and out of the wedding and take shots on Sachin's tab for another two hours, and by this point, Charan, Naveen, Samir and I are thoroughly lit up and thanking Sachin every second we see him. Sachin decides he needs to create his own "secret" word, so decides to start texting all of us "Sorry" over and over again, which again leads us to hysterical fits of laughter.

Fast forward to Sunday late morning. After dancing a storm and having a hell of time celebrating the newlyweds, we wake up to a belligerent Sachin screaming at us on the phone about charges made to the hotel. This, of course, leads us to even MORE fits of laughter as we can easily see the pulsating, throbbing vein in Bachin's neck about to burst from stress. Thankfully, I had an early afternoon flight to catch, so I packed up and got the hell out of Boston as fast as I could. Fast forward to my arrival into Chicago, and upon turning on my phone, I have 2 voice mails and 3 text messages from our dear friend.

Now, as I already stated earlier, we never intended for this to be anything more than a joke, but the first message from Sachin stated the following, verbatim:

"I tried having the charges removed from my room, but the hotel said that fraud was a big deal for the hotel, so I had to file a police report. I had to give them your name. Call me."

I saw this and started laughing hysterically, because again, anyone who knows Sachin knows that he is a horrible liar. I finally call Sachin back, and he's convulsing on the phone, screaming to have me call the hotel and have the charges moved to my room. I calmly inform him that I have no intention to do so (knowing this will only further infuriate him) but will pay him in cash upon his arrival into Chicago- of course, this is not acceptable. He threatens that the Boston Police Department will call me to discuss what legal repercussions I face due to fraudulently applying charges to another guests' room, and I again calmly inform him that I will be more than happy to discuss my federal offense with them- this of course does nothing to settle our enraged little friend.

Finally, after discussing the matter with Samir and Charan, it becomes known that Sachin is genuinely angered, so I call the hotel and have the charges moved to my room. It only becomes known later that the charges were never even actually on his credit card- instead, the charges were made to Jay's parents, who had paid for Sachin's room (they are very good family friends). Sachin is screaming that he had to explain the entire mess to Jay parents, and that his parents called us a bunch of thugs. I call Jay to explain the situation and inform him that we don't intend to stiff his parents. Jay's reaction? "Dude, Sachin has not talked to my parents, and quite frankly I doubt they care... I sure don't, since I'm going to have honeymoon sex for the next two weeks. See ya."

The funniest part was the final bill. You would think that the total would be well over $1,000 based on Sachin's outrage. You would think that for all the energy he invested into having the charges removed, we would have seriously compromised Jay's trust. You would think that the Boston Police Department and the Hotel would follow-up on this matter if this was grand theft and the like.

The total? $340.

Holla.

The Imminent Death of a Great Friend

Friends, I wanted to take a second and pay homage to a friend that has been by my side for the last 3 years, who at one time, was full of vigor and life, but is now slowly battling a cruel and painful death. A friend who all of us know dearly, and who all of us have expected to be there with us until the end. A friend that has provided a window into the lives of others, companionship when we were lonely, entertainment when we were bored. A friend who would occasionally be unreachable, but you knew if you kept trying, he'd pop up and all would be right in the world again. This friend would always try to set you up with the guy or girl of your dreams, and didn't require you to show any kind of gratitute. This friend was never a gossiper, but always had the low down on your ex, your crush, your worst enemy or your best friend.

I'm talking about your friend and mine, Friendster.

I recently received the following article (which due to its length, can be found at the end of this entry) about the impending demise of our favorite social networking website. Why is this so important? Because it is the only way our generation is able to conduct proper due diligence on the people our parents are trying to set us up with, or the girl or guy you've come to love through the wonders of perfect photography. If Friendster succumbs, what will we do??

Lets face it: girls and guys alike have all spent countless hours adding their most flattering pictures, tweaking their (non-existent) interests, and carefully screening testimonials, all for one reason. We've added the idiotic "-" in front of our names so that our profiles are the first a Friendster surfer will see, we've added a period to a sentence in our "About Me" section so our profiles pop us as "Updated", we've searched high and low for someone we can add to our roster of friends to hit that magical 500 friends ceiling. Why? Because we all want to be sure that when Ms. Right comes along, she sees that we are handsome, social, worldly, and an all-around PERFECT catch. Not because we want our friends to see, not because we want to update our family members on our lives. But solely because we want to ensure that said crush will be so smitten that his or her mouse will unconsciously send us a smile (or a rose if we're really lucky). And smiles or roses from the unattractive she-males with mustaches, but from that one person you thought would never give you the time of day, but has somehow inexplicably "Viewed My Profile".

You say that this is not true in all cases, namely those who are in relationships or are married. You know what I say to that? When you're done lying to me, stop lying to yourself. If a guy or girl is in a committed (and presumably happy) relationship, what in God's name incites them to add a new head shot at just the right angle? So their significant other can marvel at how beautiful their main squeeze is? Bullshit.

Sorry to break it to you, but they're looking to trade up. You'll know who's committed and happy when you see that their last login was "more than 3 weeks" ago. Anything less, and they're desperately scouring the Friendster social network like the rest of us, hoping that their newfound interest in some obscure, famous-only-because-of-the-OC indie rock band might spark the burning loins of the guy/girl they've bookmarked and viewed 14 times in the last 3 days.

In any case, I know it and you know, our lives will be drastically altered for the worse if Friendster dies. So please, I implore you. Invite all the non-Indian people you know, cancel your MySpace memberships, and continue surfing for your one true love. Add a new photo, list your favorite cookie-cutter novel, mention you love Jack Johnson, long walks on the beach, volunteer work and puppies. Do whatever, but do something. If you don't, one of our closest friends might not live to see tomorrow. And we all remember how empty our lives were before Friendster, right?. Do you want to live in a world without it? I know I don't.

Holla.

Here is the article in its entirety:
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Friendster finds no love
by David Shabelman in San Francisco
Updated 10:17 AM EST, May-4-2006


Eclipsed by rivals MySpace.com and Facebook, Friendster has struck out finding a buyer, leaving the future in doubt for the Internet "social networking" pioneer.

Facing an eroding customer base and dwindling funds, Friendster in November hired Santa Clara, Calif.-based investment bank Montgomery & Co. to shop the Mountain View, Calif. company. But a Friendster spokesman said last week that the sales process has concluded, though he gave no additional details. Montgomery & Co. also declined comment.

"People just didn't find it strategically critical to what they were trying to do," said one source close to the situation.

Friendster's dimming prospects also is disappointing for venture capital firms Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers and Benchmark Capital, both of Menlo Park, Calif., which in 2003 led a $13 million financing round in the company. Kleiner Perkins, which recently invested an additional $2 million to $3 million in Friendster, did not return a call for comment.

Friendster was one of the first social networking companies when it debuted in 2002 with an online service that links users in a network of friends and acquaintances. But the San Francisco-based company could not build on its early momentum, eventually losing many users because of technical glitches that impaired access to its Web site. Once subscribers left, most didn't return.

According to one industry source who asked not to be identified, several companies that initially expressed interest in buying Friendster were reluctant to take on the company's roughly $6 million in debt. They also balked at the company's relatively modest $10 million asking price, which amounted to a fire sale compared with the $50 million to $100 million Friendster had hoped to get after hiring Montgomery last fall.

"No one wanted to acquire a company that is losing money and will continue to lose money," the source said. "It's one thing to be losing money and gaining market share, but Friendster unfortunately was losing money and losing market share, and that's not a great dynamic."

Despite such woes, David Hornik, general partner with Menlo Park-based venture capital firm August Capital, said Friendster could yet turn things around.

"To a certain extent social networks are driven by popularity and buzz, and that day may already have passed for Friendster," said Hornik, whose firm was an investor in social networking site Tickle Inc., now owned by Monster Worldwide Inc. of New York. "But at the same time they have a large user base, a name people recognize, and they've seen a lot of things that do and don't work. So I don't see why there isn't a good opportunity for them to build a business on."

In September Friendster launched its latest social networking application, Friendster 2.0, which emulated features offered by competitors such as MySpace. News Corp. bought it in September, along with parent company Intermix Media Inc., for $580 million. Friendster is now testing the service.

The upgrade has at least stanched the bleeding. According to Reston, Va.-based online measurement firm comScore Media Metrix, as of March, Friendster had 1.1 million unique site visitors in the U.S., up 9% from 975,000 visitors in March 2005. By comparison, MySpace, which focuses on teens and young adults, had 41.9 million unique users, and Palo Alto, Calif.-based Facebook, which is aimed at high school and college students, had 12.9 million unique users.

Hornik said that despite Friendster's problems and the soaring popularity of the top social networking sites, there is room for other such services to catch on. He cited Bebo.com LLC, Hi5 Networks and Tagged Inc. of San Francisco, along with Santa Monica, Calif.-based Tagworld Inc., as networking sites to watch.

"Friendster was the reigning champ when MySpace got started and quietly built momentum and eventually became a gorilla," he said. "I don't see why the same thing couldn't happen to MySpace. I don't think MySpace is this impenetrable beast that everyone should run from."
With online advertising booming, venture firms have kept their faith in the emerging Internet sector. Tagworld, which offers photo-sharing, social networking, blog publishing and social "bookmarking," in February received $7.5 million in Series A financing in a round led by Draper Fisher Jurvetson. Also that month Mayfield Fund led a $7 million round in Tagged, a site focused on teenagers.

James Scheinman, vice president of business development and sales at Bebo, said his company is in discussions with investors regarding additional funding. The San Francisco company last summer expanded from operating mainly as an online photo-sharing site to offer social networking, with an international focus that included six English-speaking markets.
Scheinman, who previously worked for Friendster, said Bebo already is the top social networking site in the U.K., Ireland and New Zealand, and second in Australia, gaining 6 million unique users a month since launching last summer. Scheinman said his experience at Friendster taught him the importance of having the technological infrastructure to handle such surges in usage.

"The only reason Friendster didn't work was because the site failed," he said. "The most important thing I learned from Friendster is to have a good engineering team to scale the database and servers and the right architecture. It's not easy. It's really hard to scale these sites this quickly."
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