NYC vs. Chicago vs. Cali
Well, its been quite a while since my last posting, and a lot has happened since then. I decided to jumpstart this blog again after strong demand from my loyal readers (and because I'm bored). Instead of sitting here and rehashing what's happened to me in the past six months between posts, let me give you the 30-second update:
- Went to Puja and Sachin's wedding (as referenced from my last posting), one of the best weddings I've been to
- Went to Vegas for 10 days on a poker bender, but didn't do nearly as well as expected
- Moved to New York in August, was visiting Chicago by October
Since I've moved here, I've spent a fair amount of time going out, meeting people, and making new friends. Most of the dudes I've met have been pretty laid back, and I'm slowly starting to expand my social circle. But I figured I'd spend this post discussing the differences between a more juicy topic: Cali women vs. Chicago women vs. New York women, and which city has the advantage. Being that I am from the SF Bay Area and went to school there, I will focus only on that area of Cali (i.e., LA women are excluded from this study). Guys rejoice, women, please stop reading.
And knowing that the order above will fall on deaf female ears, I must now offer a disclaimer to all referenced women reading this post: in no way am I categorizing EVERY girl from each respective city under the following observations. I am only offering high level generalizations of each; don't worry, to every Cali / Chicago / NYC female friend of mine reading this, "present company excluded". Now that the obligatory disclaimers have been made (which categorically release me from any repercussions as a result of this post), on with the study. I will focus on three main categories: General / Personality (self-explanatory), Interests / Awareness (knowledge and intellect, etc.) and of course, looks (you didn't think I would avoid this category for PC reasons did you? Please).
Cali (Bay Area):
Drives a Honda Accord / Toyota Camry, has no clear idea on future goals or plans, lives at home (by choice, not by circumstance and likely in Fremont or San Jose) , is dating a guy from Fremont or San Jose with a name ending in "-jeet" who doesn't know what he's doing in life, but by golly, has Sikh pride. Personality is a virtual cornucopia of positives: uptight, drama-queen, spoiled. Limited interests outside of herself, shopping, and performing at local hindi film dance competitions and / or bhangra parties. Bay Area femmes also require significant amounts of threading and / or waxing before entering the public arena.
TAKEAWAY: Unless you're looking for a hirsute paperweight, move along.
Chicago:
The female population is split into two distinct groups: 23-and-under and 24-and-over. The 23 year old-and-under crowd lives at home (Naperville and Oak Park are popular hometowns), has limited goals and aspirations, will likely be immature well into their early 30s, and is looking to marry a doctor. Limited interests outside of shopping, watching TV, or shopping. On the plus-side, these girls are hot as balls and Midwestern values and hospitality are innate; however, due to their attractiveness and politeness, most are in long-term relationships by 19 and married at 23.
TAKEAWAY: Looking for a trophy wife? Hit up sophomores at UIC.
24-and-over females tend to be extremely friendly, out-of-staters (Texas, Michigan, Ohio are popular homestates), accomplished (either in medical school, law school, or working- i.e., NOT living at home), and usually balls hot. However, most are already in relationships or are scooped up within 2 weeks of word getting around that said hot medical student is available. Personalities are, for the most part, extremely positive: genuine, humble, polite, warm; perhaps this is why they're scooped up immediately.
TAKEAWAY: Move to Texas, Michigan, or Ohio immediately. Enroll in ANY graduate program at flagship state school. Troll undergraduate classes / events. Put rock on finger.
New York:
I must offer an additional disclaimer: I am basing these observations on a limited 4-month trial period- conclusions are fluid and can be changed at any time.
Many women are close to 30, have high-powered jobs, and make more money than you. They are alpha-females who use guys younger than them as dental floss. Career-driven and highly ambitious, NYC women will only continue conversation with you once you have passed the 2-minute due diligence process: Name (Harry, Happy, Jolly, or any non-mainstream name need not apply- you're clearly a B&Ter), location of residence (anything outside of Manhattan indicates B&T status- unacceptable), career (bankers, lawyers, financiers only), and position (Managing Directors, Partners, or Hedge Fund PMs only- none of these pansy analysts / associates). However, positives: said females have a varied and diverse set of interests and hobbies- world travelers, scholars, intellects are the rule, not the exception. Most Manhattan females liken themselves to a "Sex and the City"-type: metropolitan, stylish, worldly, cultured. In other words, you're not good enough. Additionally, many NYC females have larger penises than you.
TAKEAWAY: Lie, lie, lie. Unless you're a trust fund baby or don't mind catching instead of pitching, you're not good enough.
In the end, its obvious that each girl brings something to the table; whether that's a positive or a negative lies in the eye of the beholder. I would rank like this: If you're young enough, move to Chicago. If you're pushing 30 (and have a good job), move to New York. And if you're pushing 30 or over (and don't have a good job), move to the Bay Area.
Me? I think I'm going to let my parents find me a girl from India instead.
Holla.
- Went to Puja and Sachin's wedding (as referenced from my last posting), one of the best weddings I've been to
- Went to Vegas for 10 days on a poker bender, but didn't do nearly as well as expected
- Moved to New York in August, was visiting Chicago by October
Since I've moved here, I've spent a fair amount of time going out, meeting people, and making new friends. Most of the dudes I've met have been pretty laid back, and I'm slowly starting to expand my social circle. But I figured I'd spend this post discussing the differences between a more juicy topic: Cali women vs. Chicago women vs. New York women, and which city has the advantage. Being that I am from the SF Bay Area and went to school there, I will focus only on that area of Cali (i.e., LA women are excluded from this study). Guys rejoice, women, please stop reading.
And knowing that the order above will fall on deaf female ears, I must now offer a disclaimer to all referenced women reading this post: in no way am I categorizing EVERY girl from each respective city under the following observations. I am only offering high level generalizations of each; don't worry, to every Cali / Chicago / NYC female friend of mine reading this, "present company excluded". Now that the obligatory disclaimers have been made (which categorically release me from any repercussions as a result of this post), on with the study. I will focus on three main categories: General / Personality (self-explanatory), Interests / Awareness (knowledge and intellect, etc.) and of course, looks (you didn't think I would avoid this category for PC reasons did you? Please).
Cali (Bay Area):
Drives a Honda Accord / Toyota Camry, has no clear idea on future goals or plans, lives at home (by choice, not by circumstance and likely in Fremont or San Jose) , is dating a guy from Fremont or San Jose with a name ending in "-jeet" who doesn't know what he's doing in life, but by golly, has Sikh pride. Personality is a virtual cornucopia of positives: uptight, drama-queen, spoiled. Limited interests outside of herself, shopping, and performing at local hindi film dance competitions and / or bhangra parties. Bay Area femmes also require significant amounts of threading and / or waxing before entering the public arena.
TAKEAWAY: Unless you're looking for a hirsute paperweight, move along.
Chicago:
The female population is split into two distinct groups: 23-and-under and 24-and-over. The 23 year old-and-under crowd lives at home (Naperville and Oak Park are popular hometowns), has limited goals and aspirations, will likely be immature well into their early 30s, and is looking to marry a doctor. Limited interests outside of shopping, watching TV, or shopping. On the plus-side, these girls are hot as balls and Midwestern values and hospitality are innate; however, due to their attractiveness and politeness, most are in long-term relationships by 19 and married at 23.
TAKEAWAY: Looking for a trophy wife? Hit up sophomores at UIC.
24-and-over females tend to be extremely friendly, out-of-staters (Texas, Michigan, Ohio are popular homestates), accomplished (either in medical school, law school, or working- i.e., NOT living at home), and usually balls hot. However, most are already in relationships or are scooped up within 2 weeks of word getting around that said hot medical student is available. Personalities are, for the most part, extremely positive: genuine, humble, polite, warm; perhaps this is why they're scooped up immediately.
TAKEAWAY: Move to Texas, Michigan, or Ohio immediately. Enroll in ANY graduate program at flagship state school. Troll undergraduate classes / events. Put rock on finger.
New York:
I must offer an additional disclaimer: I am basing these observations on a limited 4-month trial period- conclusions are fluid and can be changed at any time.
Many women are close to 30, have high-powered jobs, and make more money than you. They are alpha-females who use guys younger than them as dental floss. Career-driven and highly ambitious, NYC women will only continue conversation with you once you have passed the 2-minute due diligence process: Name (Harry, Happy, Jolly, or any non-mainstream name need not apply- you're clearly a B&Ter), location of residence (anything outside of Manhattan indicates B&T status- unacceptable), career (bankers, lawyers, financiers only), and position (Managing Directors, Partners, or Hedge Fund PMs only- none of these pansy analysts / associates). However, positives: said females have a varied and diverse set of interests and hobbies- world travelers, scholars, intellects are the rule, not the exception. Most Manhattan females liken themselves to a "Sex and the City"-type: metropolitan, stylish, worldly, cultured. In other words, you're not good enough. Additionally, many NYC females have larger penises than you.
TAKEAWAY: Lie, lie, lie. Unless you're a trust fund baby or don't mind catching instead of pitching, you're not good enough.
In the end, its obvious that each girl brings something to the table; whether that's a positive or a negative lies in the eye of the beholder. I would rank like this: If you're young enough, move to Chicago. If you're pushing 30 (and have a good job), move to New York. And if you're pushing 30 or over (and don't have a good job), move to the Bay Area.
Me? I think I'm going to let my parents find me a girl from India instead.
Holla.
posted by NB at 2:42 PM
6 comments
